The Mailman Delivered

... and I am not talking about Karl Malone.


You would have to be in my brain to connect the dots between the title and the post, but let's just say: A. I'm weird and B. there was a lesson called "deliverance from bondage" a few weeks ago.  Loved the lesson and related to it way too much, but of course I was laughing to myself thinking of the old Jazz.

I've been pretty thankful for my health lately.  I still have some lingering issues from the good ol' Philippines, but it's nothing like it used to be.  After 2.5 years of being ill I am actually starting to feel like a real human again. 

Last week was hard.  Everything went wrong at once and my schedule was out of control.  I had so many things to do I didn't even know where to start.  Taking 10 summer credits while working full time is intense- especially after such a long break from school.  A few things that combined to push me over the edge: A date that ranks in the top 5 worst dates ever, 8 hours of doing stats on friday night and getting a 62% on the assignment, my advisor accidentally put me into 6 credits of graduate courses, my phone died 2 days after I bought a lap top.  Buying a lap top and a new phone in the same week...can you say poor?  I can.  I love my job, but not for the money.  blah blah

As you can see I was focusing on the negative and reallly getting to be a bitter buffalo.

Then it hit me.  I've been praying for this for so long.  Ever since I got sick all I wanted was to be healthy enough to be crazy-busy and become my old self again.  When it was really bad, all I could think about was never being able to finish school or have a job again.  There was no way I would ever be able to have my own classroom if things stayed the same.  I love my parents, but the thought of moping around in their basement for the rest of my life was a nightmare.  I could never really plan anything because I never knew when it would hit and how long it would last.  When I think back on the last couple of years, I don't really know how I made it through.  It was hard.  I still had fun, my family and friends were amazing, but I felt hopeless a lot.  I always trusted God would take care of me, but it was definitely on His timing.  Now the "attacks" come much less frequently and don't last as long.  I can plan my days and they are rarely messed up by my health.  It's more of a little annoyance than a disability now.  I would never be able to imagine how this feels without experiencing it.  I never realized how I got further away from being myself until now when I can see myself slowly becoming more me.  That probably doesn't make sense to anyone but me, but it doesn't matter.  I am becoming myself again and it feels good. 

This week is still a bit overwhelming.  In fact, the entire month of July will be kind of rough.  But it keeps hitting me over and over how lucky I am to be here doing what I love.  I love being in SLC, my job is amazing, the U is great, life is absolutely great. 

last one.