... and I am not talking about Karl Malone.
You would have to be in my brain to connect the dots between the title and the post, but let's just say: A. I'm weird and B. there was a lesson called "deliverance from bondage" a few weeks ago. Loved the lesson and related to it way too much, but of course I was laughing to myself thinking of the old Jazz.
I've been pretty thankful for my health lately. I still have some lingering issues from the good ol' Philippines, but it's nothing like it used to be. After 2.5 years of being ill I am actually starting to feel like a real human again.
Last week was hard. Everything went wrong at once and my schedule was out of control. I had so many things to do I didn't even know where to start. Taking 10 summer credits while working full time is intense- especially after such a long break from school. A few things that combined to push me over the edge: A date that ranks in the top 5 worst dates ever, 8 hours of doing stats on friday night and getting a 62% on the assignment, my advisor accidentally put me into 6 credits of graduate courses, my phone died 2 days after I bought a lap top. Buying a lap top and a new phone in the same week...can you say poor? I can. I love my job, but not for the money. blah blah
As you can see I was focusing on the negative and reallly getting to be a bitter buffalo.
Then it hit me. I've been praying for this for so long. Ever since I got sick all I wanted was to be healthy enough to be crazy-busy and become my old self again. When it was really bad, all I could think about was never being able to finish school or have a job again. There was no way I would ever be able to have my own classroom if things stayed the same. I love my parents, but the thought of moping around in their basement for the rest of my life was a nightmare. I could never really plan anything because I never knew when it would hit and how long it would last. When I think back on the last couple of years, I don't really know how I made it through. It was hard. I still had fun, my family and friends were amazing, but I felt hopeless a lot. I always trusted God would take care of me, but it was definitely on His timing. Now the "attacks" come much less frequently and don't last as long. I can plan my days and they are rarely messed up by my health. It's more of a little annoyance than a disability now. I would never be able to imagine how this feels without experiencing it. I never realized how I got further away from being myself until now when I can see myself slowly becoming more me. That probably doesn't make sense to anyone but me, but it doesn't matter. I am becoming myself again and it feels good.
This week is still a bit overwhelming. In fact, the entire month of July will be kind of rough. But it keeps hitting me over and over how lucky I am to be here doing what I love. I love being in SLC, my job is amazing, the U is great, life is absolutely great.
last one.
