Let it Go

Well I've thought about blogging several times since July, but it hasn't happened.  It's been pretty crazy up in here.  It feels like I have to have something really important to say after such a long break.  I don't know if that's the case, but I did have a awe-ful experience this week.  (that's a mixture of awesome and awful).  Now that I actually have time to blog, I'm going to.

I knew I was going to be teaching a r.s. lesson about forgiveness about a month ago.  I was trying to think of any good forgiveness experiences in my life.  Honestly, I couldn't think of anything worth sharing.  I thought of a few times when I got mad at a companion over something stupid and then had to forgive them.  But seriously, they were so dumb and little it was embarrassing that they "needed" forgiveness.  I was stumped.  I usually don't even tell my parents when I'm teaching a lesson, but I randomly texted them and asked if they had any good forgiveness stories.  My dad e-mailed me a story within minutes.  I read it and thought it was awesome.  I thought I would read the lesson and see if it fit in anywhere.

Saturday night before the lesson (three weeks later) I still hadn't read the lesson, but just felt like I should re-read the story my dad had sent me.  He had actually sent me another e-mail of the story from a different point of view that I liked better.  I read that and just wanted to use that instead of the manual.  I feel like that is frowned upon, so I read the lesson and wrote some notes/questions to use the next day.  My printer was broken and my neighbor had printed the lesson for me, but I didn't have the story. I felt like a weirdo reading it from my phone, but I did anyway.  As I read parts of the story, I noticed people were really crying hard.  I didn't know what to do, so I just kept going.  I had been touched by the story, but I have never really seen people cry that much during a lesson. 

There were lots of comments and great discussion (thank goodness) and most of the lesson surrounded the story I had read.  I had a lot of scriptures and other examples to talk about but we ran out of time.  One of the counselors in the bishopric commented and said the story I had read was close to home for several people in that room.  It made more sense now that people were emotional- they knew the people in the story.  I hadn't realized that it had taken place a few blocks from my house.  It was actually on my favorite running loop near my house. 

When r.s. was over, I left the room pretty quickly because I always feel awkward after I teach.  (And always, but especially then).  Brother White came out and talked to me.  He told me to watch the Mormon message about the story and I would recognize some people in it.  I asked if he was in it and he nodded and said his son was.  I said I would watch it and felt like I was missing something.  His wife came and gave me a huge hug.  I don't know her well, but I think Whites are the sweetest.  I just thought they were close family friends to the people in the story and felt bad if I had brought painful memories up. 

I went to FHE the next day and my bishop told me the 17 year old in this story was the White's son.  I felt like I should cry, but I was just kind of shocked.  What are the odds?  I can't even imagine going through that experience and then sitting in the center front row of my lesson.  Are they the nicest people in the world? Probably.  The wife of the first counselor in my bishopric talked to me tonight, too and said Sister White was just worried that I would find out and feel horrible.  That's what kind of people they are.

Anyway, I still have a lot of mixed emotions about everything.  It's 3:30 a.m. and I literally have nothing mandatory to do tomorrow, so here I am blogging out my feelings.  I know that they aren't mad at me, but that had to have been a rough lesson to sit through.  I guess my heart just hurts knowing that these nice people I see every week are the ones from this story.  I never would have known that they had been struggling with something like this.  Honestly, I think in many ways it would be harder for Cameron to forgive himself than for Chris to forgive him. 


Here is the link to the story: 

http://www.ldsliving.com/story/71058-let-it-go-a-story-of-tragedy-and-the-power-of-forgiveness

At the end of my lesson I gave the same challenge Chris Williams gave in the press conference:

This truly is a bitter cup that my family has been asked to partake of, but with such a miraculous outpouring of love and prayer from the community, I know that it will all be all right one day. 

On behalf of my sweet wife, our children, and my extended family, we would invite you if you are in a position to extend a single act of kindness, a token of mercy, or an expression of forgiveness. Would you do it by Valentine’s Day and then, if you feel to do so, write that experience down and share it with my two surviving boys by sending it to the address that the radio and TV outlets will provide. I can think of no greater valentine that you could give to someone, or that my sons and I could present to my sweetheart, than that. 

May God bless every individual one of you for your goodness. Thank you.

Since I challenged everyone to work on letting things go, I was really trying to do the same. I wish I could say that I have totally forgiven everyone who has ever offended me.  But hearing something like this where the Savior helped someone just let it go has helped me.  There is one specific grudge I have been holding that keeps coming to mind.  I know I need to let it go and hearing this story has helped me start the process. I have prayed for help in forgiving the people who I feel have wronged me.  I was at Costco today looking at books and I saw one titled "Let it Go."  Since I had that phrase in my mind all day, I picked it up.  It was a book about the same story.  I bought it and I'm excited to read it.  

 I don't know why I felt like I should read that story in my lesson.  I hope it inspired people to let go of any bad feelings they have been harboring.  Even if it was just for my personal benefit, it has worked.  I really needed to hear this experience and learn from it.  The last few months have been really rough for me.  I have been taking it one day at a time and barely holding it together.  Hearing something like this has made my problems seem so tiny.  I had a rough break up, school is really really hard, and I don't know if I'm in my program for next semester.  I don't love any of those things, but life will go on no matter what.  I'm so happy I am surrounded by incredible people.  I love my wardies and my friends, co-workers, and family.  My aunt/roomie is awesome and I love living here.  I'm so thankful for the gospel.  I don't think I could get through any struggle without it.

Everyone should watch this.  And everyone should take his challenge.

The Mailman Delivered

... and I am not talking about Karl Malone.


You would have to be in my brain to connect the dots between the title and the post, but let's just say: A. I'm weird and B. there was a lesson called "deliverance from bondage" a few weeks ago.  Loved the lesson and related to it way too much, but of course I was laughing to myself thinking of the old Jazz.

I've been pretty thankful for my health lately.  I still have some lingering issues from the good ol' Philippines, but it's nothing like it used to be.  After 2.5 years of being ill I am actually starting to feel like a real human again. 

Last week was hard.  Everything went wrong at once and my schedule was out of control.  I had so many things to do I didn't even know where to start.  Taking 10 summer credits while working full time is intense- especially after such a long break from school.  A few things that combined to push me over the edge: A date that ranks in the top 5 worst dates ever, 8 hours of doing stats on friday night and getting a 62% on the assignment, my advisor accidentally put me into 6 credits of graduate courses, my phone died 2 days after I bought a lap top.  Buying a lap top and a new phone in the same week...can you say poor?  I can.  I love my job, but not for the money.  blah blah

As you can see I was focusing on the negative and reallly getting to be a bitter buffalo.

Then it hit me.  I've been praying for this for so long.  Ever since I got sick all I wanted was to be healthy enough to be crazy-busy and become my old self again.  When it was really bad, all I could think about was never being able to finish school or have a job again.  There was no way I would ever be able to have my own classroom if things stayed the same.  I love my parents, but the thought of moping around in their basement for the rest of my life was a nightmare.  I could never really plan anything because I never knew when it would hit and how long it would last.  When I think back on the last couple of years, I don't really know how I made it through.  It was hard.  I still had fun, my family and friends were amazing, but I felt hopeless a lot.  I always trusted God would take care of me, but it was definitely on His timing.  Now the "attacks" come much less frequently and don't last as long.  I can plan my days and they are rarely messed up by my health.  It's more of a little annoyance than a disability now.  I would never be able to imagine how this feels without experiencing it.  I never realized how I got further away from being myself until now when I can see myself slowly becoming more me.  That probably doesn't make sense to anyone but me, but it doesn't matter.  I am becoming myself again and it feels good. 

This week is still a bit overwhelming.  In fact, the entire month of July will be kind of rough.  But it keeps hitting me over and over how lucky I am to be here doing what I love.  I love being in SLC, my job is amazing, the U is great, life is absolutely great. 

last one. 

Saturday is a special day

I forgot to post this on thankful thursday.  Whaaa? 

But f'real. Saturday was a really good day. I woke up to a text from a boy.  7 a.m. is a bit early to text someone, but I still kinda liked it when I was done being judging him. The world needs those early birds, right?


I got my trail mix and hiking fanny pack (yep I have a fanny pack) and met some friends for hiking.  The hike was pretty intense, but so beautiful.  Waterfall hikes are my favorite and this was the prettiest one I've seen in UT. It was amazing.

Laurel & I stopped by the f21 in sandy. (The best one). And I found a swimming suit that I love for $22 and a rad skirt for $13. Yes, please.  Laurel finally bought some mission shirts. High five to her!
I went home to shower and hurried to work... Aka the bee's game. I love my boss and my clients and definitely didn't mind getting paid to watch a live baseball game and eat pizza.  The clients had me laughing the whole time.  I crashed-I was so tired from being in the sun all day. Such a great day.